ToothWaste

This is, without a doubt, the pinnacle of laziness.

Really, how long have toothpaste tubes been around? 80-100 years? And NOW we decide we need a dispenser for them?



Touch-N-Brush Toothpaste hands-free dispenser prevents waste by dispensing the perfect amount of toothpaste every time. Say goodbye to sticky, messy sinks and counters. A touch of the pump dispenses a perfect strip of fresh toothpaste on your brush. Holds any size toothpaste tube, and is easy to use, install and refill. Vacuum technology forces out every last drop of toothpaste. Suctions to smooth surfaces. Includes electric toothbrush. Requires two AA batteries, not included. Plastic, rubber, 3 1/4 x 3 x 10 1/4. $19.98

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Put Down the Knife and Step Out of the Kitchen

Here's another gadget aimed at wimps who can't figure out the most basic cooking techniques. I don't know, this looks like some kind of sex toy for horses.

How about this, people: if it gets to the point where you can't cut a carrot without slicing off part of your finger, then you shouldn't be cooking - at all.



Protect fingertips when chopping and dicing fruits and vegetables! Ingenious finger guards grip food securely while shielding your hand from sharp knife edges. Made of rubber and plastic for a soft, non-slip grip that flexes naturally with finger movements. Rinses clean. 3-1/2" L.

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Evergreens Aren't Forever, You Know

In this tough economic time, it's hard to keep up with the maintaining of your lawn and shrubbery. Luckily, these fake bushes and trees will help to give the illusion of a well-manicured lawn at a fraction of the price.

Best of all, when your house goes into foreclosure because you're buying fake shit for your lawn and not paying off your credit card bills, you can take them with you to the trailer park!


If you or someone you know has recently purchased and installed these fake bushes and trees, I'd like to hear from you. Please leave your address in the comments so that I can come over and drive a tank through your house in the middle of the night admire them.

Faux evergreen decorative shrubs are a simple way to add the beauty of live evergreens to your home, without the fuss of real ones. Use them indoors or out. Place them on your porch, patio or even in entryways. If you don't tell, no one will know they aren't real. No need to worry about watering and feeding! They are maintenance free, deer proof and will not fade. Shrubs arrive 'planted' in dark green plastic pots. Add your own lights and pedestal planters. Plastic.

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I'd Rather Eat Old Coffee Grinds

According to the makers of the Ronco Coffeetime system, cold brewing coffee results in 65% less acid for fucking crybabies those with sensitive stomachs.

Just look at this thing. It looks like it was designed in 1982.


Simply load the fucker up the way you would your hot coffee maker and add cold water. After it brews, simply pour yourself a cup of the resulting concentrate and add hot water. You can put the rest in the refrigerator, where it will last for weeks! Doesn't that sound delish?

Of course, in this economy, they're banking on those of us who are on the verge of filing for bankruptcy because of our addiction to Starbucks coffee.

(It's called moderation, people. You can still have your Starbucks, just not every day.)

Fuck this. I'd rather get a second job to pay for my coffee than take my chances with week-old refrigerated sludge. Ron Popeil can suck it.

Coffee Time™ brew system makes tasty café-style drinks at home for just pennies a cup! Revolutionary cold brewing system creates a mixable coffee concentrate that lasts for weeks and reduces acidity by up to 65%. Follow the easy-to-use recipe book to make your favorite hot, iced or blended coffee and tea drinks just like a professional barista! Includes brew pot, carafe with lid, 2 cold brew filters, recipe book. $19.98

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R.I.P. Billy Mays

Billy Mays, the burly, bearded television pitchman whose boisterous hawking of products such as Orange Glo and OxiClean made him a pop-culture icon, has died. He was 50.



Via Yahoo News

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