Saturday, November 20, 2010
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Makes a great gift for that annoying, overly optimistic, fashion-backward shopaholic in your life.
Filed Under: Apparel
If this doesn't get you featured on People of Walmart, then nothing will.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Every time I see this type of clock, I imagine that it was originally a one of a kind $250,000 monster created by some snotty, high-end American designer with food issues in 1962 to make a statement about world hunger and silver mining. After it ended up enshrined at the Museum of Modern Art, generations of fakes and imitators caused it to devolve into the world of $14.99 shitty Made-in-China clocks at websites like Collectors Etc.
Or maybe I've seen The Devil Wears Prada one too many times.
Vines—leaves—blossoms! Intricate, handworked patchwork embroidery blankets the front of this folk-art hoodie, fitted with twin pockets and front zipper. 100% cotton. Hand washable. Imported. Color: Blue/Multi. Sizes: S, M, L, XL, XXL. (XXL) $59.95
DETECTIVE: Can you describe what the robber was wearing?
BANK TELLER: It was some kind of... oh my God, it was horrifying. I can't!
DETECTIVE: Yes you can, just take your time. What was the robber wearing?
BANK TELLER: It was as if someone dyed a hooded sweat shirt too look like an ugly denim jacket and then covered the front with everything they could find from the fabric aisle at Michaels.
DETECTIVE: We will find this monster and put her away. You have my word.
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Finally, now the men can play along when their wives are selling Tupperware.
Linda: Hi, Melanie! Thanks for coming over!
Melanie: I'm so glad to see you again, it's been a while.
Linda: Oh my God. What the hell is that on your wall?
Melanie: Please. It's a daughter in law afghan.
Linda: A what-the-fuck what?
Melanie: Joe's mother caught me throwing out all the stupid sappy cards she kept sending me every other week, so this is my punishment.
Linda: (opens purse) Here's the number to my divorce lawyer.
Monday, November 15, 2010
Because GOD FORBID your morbidly obese 7 year old can't find the Doritos fast enough.
Friday, November 12, 2010
Really, how could this be mistaken for anything else - like, say, sagging furry crosshairs?
Thursday, November 11, 2010
God, people are so stupid. Who is tossing soap scraps? Take a new bar out of the linen closet, wet it and slap the scraps into it. They will stick. Done. there, I just saved you seven dollars.
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Filed Under: Bizarre
Tuesday, November 09, 2010
Laundry room magnetic decal will help you kick the “wash day” blues with its cute and colorful clothesline scene. Attaches instantly to the front of a top-loading washer or dryer—or other metal surface. Flexible poly/vinyl material with magnetic backing removes easily; won’t mar appliance surfaces. 26" L x 16½" H. $10.85
I would love to attach one of these to my building's washing machine and wait for the reactions of the chronic complainers in my coop.
"Is that coming out of my maintenance bill?"
"I'm allergic to magnets!"
"My cleaning lady can't read English. Is there a Spanish version?"
"Clotheslines destroy the environment because they are made from rope, which comes from the Amazon rainforest."
Filed Under: Laundry Room Garbage
When I saw this, my fists clenched and I yelled, "Fucking why?" at the computer screen. What a useless, redundant piece of shit. I mean, really. If you have a mantle, then chances are you already have a ton of pictures crowding it. But by all means, get this ugly piece of shit that looks like something you'd find on Regretsy.
Monday, November 08, 2010
What a great way to show your faith - by buying a cheap, plastic, battery powered light up disco cross. And why the fuck is it in a bubble? Does it have a contagious disease or something?
Filed Under: Religious Garbage
Finally! My cats are always eating. Fucking moochers! You know what? I was going to buy this, but I just can't wait to teach those bastards a lesson. Maybe I'll throw some nuts and bolts in their bowl tonight. They won't want to eat as much after they're missing a few teeth. That'll learn em.
Friday, November 05, 2010
Bring out your creative side? How, by buying some hideous generic abstract wall art that was probably Made in China? Doesn't that defeat the purpose of being creative?
source: Get Organized
Filed Under: Gaudy Garbage
FRAN: Hey, Bob?
BOB: What is it Fran?
FRAN: I'm tired of fighting. I think we need some peace and joy in this house.
BOB: You finally leaving?
FRAN: No, you fat bastard, look at this color changing angel. It's only 6 bucks.
BOB: Just get the hell out of this house.
Thursday, November 04, 2010
You May Also Like:
1. Burn Cream
2. Double sided tape
3. A new car with working heat
I'm waiting for some indignant slob on Hoarders to hang this in their living room and point to it when the professional organizer/psychotherapist shows up.
Wednesday, November 03, 2010
My God. $6,500 for one pair of cufflinks. I would be terrified that someone who chop my hands off to get to them.
Scully and Scully
Filed Under: Wealthy Wednesdays
Tuesday, November 02, 2010
Air Freshener can holder conveniently hooks over the side of your toilet tank to keep aerosol cans out of the way but easily accessible. Eliminates clutter and fumbling. Holds one standard size can. 7½" L with hook.
Ah, because nothing says "I'm too cheap to install a vent fan in my bathroom," and "My shits take the paint off the walls" at the same time.
Filed Under: Bathrooms
Monday, November 01, 2010
I don't know who to feel worse for. The girls who are going to get this, or the parents who will be victims of text exchanges like this:
HELP! LOOK @ THIS POS MY MOM GOT ME 4 MY BDAYY. SO FUGLY! HATE HER! WHAT AM I GONNA DO? SO EMBRRSD! SHE MADE ME HANG IT IN MY ROOM!
OMG. BURN IT!
Filed Under: Waste of Money
What a great idea! Let's add a teetering rack with three scaling hot casseroles and wait to see what happens when someone pulls out that bottom rack out to baste the turkey. What could possibly go wrong?