Saturday, November 20, 2010

Perspective

Treasure Chest Opens to a Special Gift...a Guardian Angel! Bring a smile to a friend with this precious crystal angel tucked inside a lacy chest. When chest is opened, praying angel with golden accents delivers cheery words to brighten a day! Angel is 1 1/2" tall, chest is 2 3/4" x 2 1/2" x 2 1/4". Keepsake is truly a gift from the heart.

A gift from the heart? More like a gift from China. But I digress...

Maybe there's something wrong with me, but when I look at this, all I see an angel rising out of a coffin. (Your experience may vary)

Thursday, November 18, 2010

The Ugliest Fucking Rain Boots Ever Created

Low Rider Rain Boots. French cowgirl rain boots? Yes! Sleek Western styling—check out those pull-tabs!—takes on an Impressionistic coloration in the coolest rubber rain boots we've ever seen. 2" stack-style heels. Imported. Women's medium-width whole sizes 6-10; half sizes, order next larger size. $49.95

Makes a great gift for that annoying, overly optimistic, fashion-backward shopaholic in your life.

Buck Shit

"I don't shoot INNOCENT animals... only the ones that look GUILTY!", effectively proving that all hunters have hearts of gold and are simply hunting for the greater good of mankind. Olive green in color, this comfy, 100% heavyweight pre-shrunk cotton knit tee is perfect for almost every occasion - It sports a signature Buck Wear emblem on the left chest, and with its tongue-in-cheek caption you will certainly be the center of attention.

If this doesn't get you featured on People of Walmart, then nothing will.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Tick, Tock, Shit, Clock

Silverware Kitchen Clock: Perhaps the most appropriate– and creative– kitchen clock ever! A perfect gift for anyone who loves to cook, the silver face is surrounded by silverware. Even the hands are a knife and fork. Metal/ plastic. Req. 1 "AA" battery (not included). 15"Dia. $14.99

Every time I see this type of clock, I imagine that it was originally a one of a kind $250,000 monster created by some snotty, high-end American designer with food issues in 1962 to make a statement about world hunger and silver mining.  After it ended up enshrined at the Museum of Modern Art, generations of fakes and imitators caused it to devolve into the world of $14.99 shitty Made-in-China clocks at websites like Collectors Etc.

Or maybe I've seen The Devil Wears Prada one too many times.

Regretsy Bait


Vines—leaves—blossoms! Intricate, handworked patchwork embroidery blankets the front of this folk-art hoodie, fitted with twin pockets and front zipper. 100% cotton. Hand washable. Imported. Color: Blue/Multi. Sizes: S, M, L, XL, XXL. (XXL) $59.95

This...is gag-tacular.

DETECTIVE: Can you describe what the robber was wearing?

BANK TELLER: It was some kind of... oh my God, it was horrifying. I can't!

DETECTIVE: Yes you can, just take your time. What was the robber wearing?

BANK TELLER: It was as if someone dyed a hooded sweat shirt too look like an ugly denim jacket and then covered the front with everything they could find from the fabric aisle at Michaels.

DETECTIVE: We will find this monster and put her away. You have my word.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Oooooh, Thports!

The most practical and useful gift to give to any die-hard NFL sports enthusiast. This three-piece rectangular plastic food container set features silicone rubber lids with clear see thru side walls. Your favorite teams logo decal sticker is centered on the top of each lid. Choose from 6 available teams: Steelers, Cowboys, Patriots, Giants, Jets, and Packers. Can be used to store food, or other items such as craft necessities, kids pens/pencils, or other odds and ends. Includes three sizes: Large: 9-1/4" x 6-1/4" x 3-1/4"; Medium: 8-1/4" x 5-1/2" x 2-1/2"; Small: 6-3/4" x 4-1/2" x 2". Lid is not safe for dishwasher or microwave - remove from bottom before heating. BFA Free.

Finally, now the men can play along when their wives are selling Tupperware.

Too Bad Moths Don't Eat Cotton

Daughter-In-Law Afghan tells the gal who captured your son's heart that she has a place in yours, too. Beautiful, soft woven throw features top-quality needlework, a colorful floral design, fringed border, and a loving sentiment she'll treasure always. 60" x 46". Made in USA of 100% cotton. $29.99

Linda: Hi, Melanie! Thanks for coming over!

Melanie: I'm so glad to see you again, it's been a while.

Linda: Oh my God. What the hell is that on your wall?

Melanie: Please. It's a daughter in law afghan.

Linda: A what-the-fuck what?

Melanie: Joe's mother caught me throwing out all the stupid sappy cards she kept sending me every other week, so this is my punishment.

Linda: (opens purse) Here's the number to my divorce lawyer.


Harriet Carter

Monday, November 15, 2010

Enablers Rejoice!

Over-door snack holder stores snack bags for easy access and maximum convenience. Metal frame mounts over any kitchen or pantry door with included hooks. Attached clasps hold up to 6 snack bags up and out of way. Frees up valuable cabinet and counter space! Keeps chips, pretzels and other snacks fresh. Chrome finish.16-3/4" x 13-3/4".

Because GOD FORBID your morbidly obese 7 year old can't find the Doritos fast enough.

Harriet Carter

Friday, November 12, 2010

Ready, Aim...

Brighten up your doorway with the lighted holiday wreath! It has 35 bright white lights to decorate your home and add a little holiday cheer. UL listed. Great for both indoor and outdoor decorating. 14" diameter. 27" cord plugs into any outlet. 14.95

Really, how could this be mistaken for anything else - like, say, sagging furry crosshairs?

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Rope for a Dope

Terry soap sponges turn soap scraps into luxurious lather! Don’t toss away thin slivers of soap. Just slip ’em into the pocket of these handy sponges for quick lathering “soap on a rope”! After bathing simply hang and let air-dry. Set of 3 poly foam sponges with 100% polyester covers in assorted colors. Ea. 5¼". #6.98

God, people are so stupid. Who is tossing soap scraps? Take a new bar out of the linen closet, wet it and slap the scraps into it. They will stick. Done. there, I just saved you seven dollars.

Harriet Carter

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Kitty Melon

Kitty tissue box cover transforms an ordinary cube tissue box purr-fectly! Slip-on cover adds charm to any room with its whimsical cat motif. Elasticized straps at bottom fit snugly around cube-style boxes; wide slit at top dispenses tissues. Poly/cotton blend. Imported. 7" x 6¾" x 5".

Inspiration:


Harriet Carter

Tuesday, November 09, 2010

Not For Sale in New York City


Laundry room magnetic decal will help you kick the “wash day” blues with its cute and colorful clothesline scene. Attaches instantly to the front of a top-loading washer or dryer—or other metal surface. Flexible poly/vinyl material with magnetic backing removes easily; won’t mar appliance surfaces. 26" L x 16½" H. $10.85

I would love to attach one of these to my building's washing machine and wait for the reactions of the chronic complainers in my coop.

"Is that coming out of my maintenance bill?"

"I'm allergic to magnets!"

"My cleaning lady can't read English.  Is there a Spanish version?"

"Clotheslines destroy the environment because they are made from rope, which comes from the Amazon rainforest."

Is It Strong Enough for Me to Hang Myself?

Hang your stocking under your favorite holiday photo! Photo frame is 3 ½” X 5” and can be displayed horizontally or vertically. Santa’s sleigh clips on top of the frame.

When I saw this, my fists clenched and I yelled, "Fucking why?" at the computer screen. What a useless, redundant piece of shit. I mean, really. If you have a mantle, then chances are you already have a ton of pictures crowding it. But by all means, get this ugly piece of shit that looks like something you'd find on Regretsy.

Direct Source

Monday, November 08, 2010

Crossing the Line of Taste

This cross is a great way to show your faith. Display it proudly on any mantle, table or shelf. The cross delivers a brilliant light show. Makes a great gift! On/off button. Runs on 3 "AAA" batteries. $5.95

What a great way to show your faith - by buying a cheap, plastic, battery powered light up disco cross. And why the fuck is it in a bubble? Does it have a contagious disease or something?

Direct Source

Because Filling The Bowl Less Frequently is NOT an Option

BOWL KEEPS DOGS & CATS FROM WOLFING DOWN THEIR FOOD! Specially-designed bowl features 4 raised prongs that force pets to eat food slower and chew at a leisurely pace. Pets digest food better, feel full sooner and make less mess. No more choking or vomiting, either. Ideal for moist or dry food. Features a no-tip design with non-slip bottom. Dishwasher-safe plastic.

Finally! My cats are always eating. Fucking moochers! You know what? I was going to buy this, but I just can't wait to teach those bastards a lesson. Maybe I'll throw some nuts and bolts in their bowl tonight. They won't want to eat as much after they're missing a few teeth.  That'll learn em.

Friday, November 05, 2010

Defeating the Purpose

This decorative wall piece is fun and artistic. Bring out your creative side with this inspired stained glass decor. Circular in design, this wall sculpture features geometric shapes, vase and bowl designs, as well as an elegant color palette. Features hand painted finish, three dimensional construction and crafted from metal for durability. Measures 21.25" W x 3" D x 21.25" tall. No assembly required. *Extra $5 shipping. $59.98

Bring out your creative side? How, by buying some hideous generic abstract wall art that was probably Made in China? Doesn't that defeat the purpose of being creative?

source: Get Organized

This Should Bring Those Divorce Rates Down

Color-changing angel spreads peace and joy throughout your home! Crystal-look praying angel softly glows and changes colors from clear to purple, red, green, blue and orange to create a serene, peaceful aura in your home. Makes a unique holiday gift, too. Lightweight acrylic. 2 button cell batteries included. 3-3/4" H.

FRAN: Hey, Bob?

BOB: What is it Fran?

FRAN: I'm tired of fighting. I think we need some peace and joy in this house.

BOB: You finally leaving?

FRAN: No, you fat bastard, look at this color changing angel. It's only 6 bucks.

BOB: Just get the hell out of this house.

Thursday, November 04, 2010

Not for Use on Cobblestone Roads

Plug-in car heater warms targeted areas while driving or camping. Plugs into a car lighter to provide 150 watts of heat, perfect for a car floor or dashboard. Sixteen-foot cord helps provide added comfort for front or back seat passengers. Plastic, 7 x 6 x 3". $14.99

You May Also Like:

1. Burn Cream


2. Double sided tape

3. A new car with working heat

TAYLOR GIFTS

Tonight on A&E...

Funny tin "What's Wrong with Being Born in a Barn?" sign illustrates a nonchalant attitude about clutter. The beautiful, decorative sign is the ideal gift for friends who have a sense of humor. Use indoors or outdoors. Features artwork from Persis Clayton Weirs. Lightweight, sturdy and easy to hang. Tin, 12 1/2 x 1/4 x 16".

I'm waiting for some indignant slob on Hoarders to hang this in their living room and point to it when the professional organizer/psychotherapist shows up.

Wednesday, November 03, 2010

Wealthy Wednesdays: Cufflink Edition

Enamel and 18k gold cufflinks made and handpainted in England. The t-bar closure is a detailed gold fish as shown at right. 1"w x 5/8"h.

My God. $6,500 for one pair of cufflinks. I would be terrified that someone who chop my hands off to get to them.

Scully and Scully

Tuesday, November 02, 2010

Dignity Sold Seperately


Air Freshener can holder conveniently hooks over the side of your toilet tank to keep aerosol cans out of the way but easily accessible. Elim­i­nates clutter and fumbling. Holds one standard size can. 7½" L with hook.

Ah, because nothing says "I'm too cheap to install a vent fan in my bathroom," and "My shits take the paint off the walls" at the same time.

Harriet Carter

Monday, November 01, 2010

Why Kids Run Away

Because each daughter and daughter- in-law is special, these lovely afghans arrive personalized for her alone. Beautifully embroidered and woven of 100% cotton. Specify names: first line—limit 24 letters/ spaces; second line—limit 4 letters/spaces; third line—limit 24 letters/spaces. Machine wash and dry. 62"Lx47"W. Please allow 3-4 weeks for delivery. No express shipping. Made in the USA.

I don't know who to feel worse for. The girls who are going to get this, or the parents who will be victims of text exchanges like this:

HELP! LOOK @ THIS POS MY MOM GOT ME 4 MY BDAYY. SO FUGLY! HATE HER! WHAT AM I GONNA DO? SO EMBRRSD! SHE MADE ME HANG IT IN MY ROOM!

OMG. BURN IT!


Miles Kimball

Because Ovens Aren't Dangerous Enough

3-Tier Oven Rack expands your cooking space. It’s just what you need when preparing a meal for a family get-together or for the holidays. Innovative design lets you bake up to 3 of your favorite dishes…while leaving room for the roasting pan. Perfect for keeping multiple dishes warm as you carve a roast or turkey. Bottom and center shelf accommodate bakeware up to 3¾” high. Dishwasher safe. Folds flat for storage. Made of nichel-chrome plated steel. 10¾” W x 10¼” H x 14½” L. $15.98

What a great idea! Let's add a teetering rack with three scaling hot casseroles and wait to see what happens when someone pulls out that bottom rack out to baste the turkey. What could possibly go wrong?

Sunday, October 31, 2010

Ugly Ring Sunday #4 - Mommie Dearest


Beautifully celebrating a mother’s bond with her children, our ring is hand set with sparkling Austrian crystal birthstones--one for each precious gem who lovingly calls her “Mom”. Richly plated in 14k gold over brass, it’s a unique circle of love when custom crafted to symbolize her family. A Heart Trio pin accompanies this keepsake gift. Specify up to 7 birth months. $29.99 (Mother Ring)

In addition to the free pin, it should come with a wire hanger, for beating the child who gave you this hideous, crooked ring.

Friday, October 29, 2010

Gray Skies Are Gonna Clear Up...


Auto escape key chain Two-in-one key chain may save your life when panic sets in and you have just seconds to react. Free yourself from your vehicle in moments with a protected knife blade that can cut through a seat belt. Spring-loaded metal punch will shatter a window. Buy one for yourself and a loved one. Polyester ABS plastic, 7 x 3 1/2 x 7". $14.98

Not only will the auto escape key chain save you from certain death, but it will also brighten your day! Gray skies instantly turn to a lovely shade of blue with just a flick of the spring-loaded metal punch!

Easy Fake Oven


Energy-efficient super mini toaster oven cooks meals for one or two using minimal counter space. Features the capabilities of a regular toaster oven with a 150°-450°F range in temperature, variable toasting function, 15 minute timer and “stay on” warming function. Includes wire rack and 6 1⁄4"sq. baking pan. ETL listed. 12"L x 7"W x 7 1⁄2"H. $39.99

Yeah, this looks safe.  Aside from the fact that this looks like it was made out of an old hat box, and would struggle to fit a single slice of white bread, are you really going to trust a forty dollar kitchen appliance with NO name?  How will you know who to blame when it catches fire on the first day out of the box?

Here are some suggestions for naming this death trap:
Toasted Recall
Kitchen Inferno
Easy Fake Oven

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Get Your Game Face Off My Tree

Put Your Game Face On… Your Trees! Officially licensed forest face, made of weather-resistant resin and measuring 7" by 12", sports your team's cap and official logo. Each piece comes with a durable hook to make hanging easy. NFL, MLB and Collegiate teams available. Specify team code. Please allow 2 weeks for shipping.

Really? What the fuck is wrong with you sports fans that you need this kind of shit bolted to your tree? Keep it in the house. No one really gives a shit which sports team you waste all your money on.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Wealthy Wednesdays: Dining Edition

Welcome to another exciting edition of Wealthy Wednesdays, where we feature an item from an upscale catalog that none of us would ever buy.


Animal Napkin Ring
The sophisticated side of safari makes an appearance at the table with these sculptural napkin rings. Each is crafted in South Africa of mukwa wood and pewter. Choose elephant, warthog, hippo, or zebra below.

Oh, you like them? You'll take the set? Well, brace for impact, kiddo. These are $52.00. Each.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

The Frosting is Made with Real Boogers!


Two Flavor Checkerboard baking pan makes you look like a culinary master. Amaze your friends and family with a fun design that'll have 'em all baffled at your brilliance. The secret is the insert. So simple, kids can do it. Aluminum, 9 x 9 x 1 /2".  $19.98

See that? KIDS can do it. Kids with (usually) dirty hands. Just remember that the next time someone brings a home-made novelty cake to the office.

English Teacher's Nightmare


I don't know, I think there's a subliminal message in the copy for this product, aside from the pathetic writing.

Scone Pans
For scones with a crisp, flaky tops and delicate, melt-in-your-mouth middles, you need this heavy duty cast aluminum pan for scones. This pan for scones is divided into eight wedges (mini pan: 16 bite-sized wedges) for perfect scones with all-over baking. Scones pans are dishwasher safe. Recipes for delicious scones is included. $34.99

Walter Drake

Monday, October 25, 2010

Happy Anniversary to My Stressed Out Wife

Butterfly fountain The soothing sounds of flowing water feature will quickly become the focal point of any living space. Plug it in and start relaxing! Adorned with finely detailed butterflies. Varying speeds and on/off switch. Comes in a colorful gift box, ideal for anniversary, birthday or shower gifts. Hand crafted porcelain, 9 x 5 1/2 x 7 1/2". $39.98

Photoshop: It will bring Niagra Falls to Your House

Taylor Gifts

Babies Shouldn't Fly

TUGO™ Travel Cup Holder offers hands free convenience, securely suspending your coffee, soft drink or baby bottle between the upright bars of rolling luggage. Pliable design accommodates various sized cups. Add mesh base for storing standard 20 oz drinks, cans and water bottles. Fast and easy to secure. Dishwasher safe. Styrene, 4 x 2". $6.99

Because when I fly, I don't mind waiting five minutes for the inconsiderate asshole ahead of me to take their sweet ol time putting their carry on bags in the overhead compartment.   Waiting another ten minutes for some high-maintenance dipshit to fiddle with this baby bottle holder is no problem at all. 

source: Get Organized

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Ugly Ring Sunday #3 - I Will Not Insult My Daddy's Taste

Give Dad a gift of style and sentiment with our gold onyx ring personalized with sparkling Austrian crystal birthstones--one for each child, grandchild or other cherished family member. A stunning look he’ll love forever, our ring shines in rich, 14k gold over brass, set with "DAD" showcasing the genuine black onyx center. Specify up to 6 birth months. Specify men’s ring size: 9-12. Allow 3-4 weeks for delivery. No express shipping. $39.99 (Dad Ring)

When I showed this ring to a coworker, she asked me if it was a blackboard, which would be apt, because I would recommend punishment for this.  

I Will Not Buy Fugly Forty Dollar Rings for Dad
I Will Not Buy Fugly Forty Dollar Rings for Dad
I Will Not Buy Fugly Forty Dollar Rings for Dad 
I Will Not Buy Fugly Forty Dollar Rings for Dad 
I Will Not Buy Fugly Forty Dollar Rings for Dad 
I Will Not Buy Fugly Forty Dollar Rings for Dad 
I Will Not Buy Fugly Forty Dollar Rings for Dad 
I Will Not Buy Fugly Forty Dollar Rings for Dad 
I Will Not Buy Fugly Forty Dollar Rings for Dad 
I Will Not Buy Fugly Forty Dollar Rings for Dad 
I Will Not Buy Fugly For...

Friday, October 22, 2010

Fiber Optic Fridays: Filet o' Shit

Collectible Fisherman's Tabtetop: Your favorite fisherman may not be much of a decorator, but he's sure to find a prominent place to put this plaque. A bass surrounded by mini fiber optic lights jumps from the water backdrop, while the "fishing reel" collectible knife with resin sculpted handle has been artistically decorated with a full-color image of a fish on its stainless steel blade. Req. 2 "AA" batteries (not incl.). Resin base measures: 7 3/4"L x 5"D x 7"H. Knife: 8 1/4"L. $9.97

This battery operated, fiber optic oceanic nightmare is sure to be a highly sought after collectible in about never years - worth many times it's current value of ten dollars, so get yours now!

Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep

Time's Up Grim Reaper LCD Alarm Clock - The bell tolls for thee when the Grim Reaper stands with stately sickle near a brushed, silver-toned metal LCD alarm clock featuring weekday, date, temperature and multi-sound alarm. Cast in quality designer resin, this exclusive is the perfect gift for anyone who craves a little more shut eye! Batteries included. 5"W x 1 1/2"D x 5 1/2"H. $14.99

A not so subtle reminder to say your prayers before you go to bed, otherwise you're NEVER GOING TO WAKE UP!

SkyMall

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Cheaper Than Hormone Therapy!

White Shoulders Perfume A classic scent for the woman who wants to feel totally feminine. .25 oz. $8.49

Ladies, do you often feel less than feminine? I mean, do you look in the mirror and see nothing but Paul Bunyan in a nightie? Well stop feeling sorry for yourself and let the magic of White Shoulders perfume take you from John Goodman to Sophia Loren! Take if from Stumpy!



AmeriMark

But, It's Personalized!

Our ultra-contemporary personalized Modern Times round desk clock will guarantee he is never late for that important appointment. Fashioned in rich silver and ebony, this personalized clock is both versatile and attractive. With both analog and digital display, the clock features glass face cover and black leather face. Other key features include Quartz movement, a second hand, digital alarm, timer and date setting, making this multi functional clock an ideal gift for today's executive. Engraved with the initials of the recipient, the Modern Times desk clock is a great graduation, Father's Day or groomsmen gift. Measures 4 1/4" x 4 1/4" x 3/4". Personalized with up to three initials. $49.98

Yes, this tiny desk clock is a must-have for the business man who can't tell time because he works alone, in an abandoned city, in a building with no clocks, microwave, or digital telephones.  He also left his watch at home, his desktop computer just crashed, he lost his laptop, his Blackberry fell in the toilet and his cell phone battery died - all at the same time and right before that big, important meeting, too!  Oh, no!  Hurry up and get him this clock so he can tell time!   Order now!

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Buttons Are For Suckers


8-in-1 touch screen remote Controls any TV! Versatile, universal remote is designed to control your home TV, VCR, satellite TV, DVD player, audio equipment and more. Simple one-touch activity control does it all. Lightweight for ease of operation. Includes Auto Quick Search function. Uses 2 AAA batteries (not incl.) $15.98

Because buttons are so hard, let's replace them with a fussy, unreliable 16 dollar touch screen that will probably shatter when dropped.

(Harriet Carter)

Wealthy Wednesdays: Fragile Vases Edition

Welcome to Wealthy Wednesdays, where we feature one high-end item that will make you spit out your plebeian morning coffee.

This week's edition of Wealthy Wednesdays features a pretty vase from Waterford.


"1960s Johnstown Castle" Vase
Stunning enough to stand on its own, this footed vase showcases floral displays in grand style. Made in Ireland.

When I finally get around to producing that remake of War of the Roses, I am going to have several of these for smashing against the wall. What the hell, they're only $10,000 each.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Now Go Make Me Coffee!

Have your own light show with this magical, color-changing clock! It glows in ever-changing pastel hues, and features an easy-to-read LCD of time, date, day, and room temperature. Choose from 2 options to waken you-a flashing light or a sound alarm with 8 song choices. Function buttons on bottom. Colored lights can be turned off for sleeping. Uses 4 AAA batteries (not included). Plastic. 3 1/8" sq.

You know, I often look at my alarm clock and scream, "Damm it! Don't just sit there! Entertain me! Change color! What's the temperature outside? Do something, you lazy fuck!" I'm so glad I don't have to do that anymore.

Catalog Favorites

Or, You Could Put Them In Your Pocket

Keep rings safe while washing dishes. Ring saver soap dish secures rings while you wash dishes, shower or bathe to prevent them from getting washed down the drain. Soap dish holds soap or sponge and nests neatly beside the sink. Rubber, 7 3/4 x 4 x 2 1/2".

Yeah, those rings really look secure so close to the edge there. I have to wonder what will happen when you reach for the bar of soap and knock the whole fucking dish right into the sink.

Monday, October 18, 2010

Where is Gordon Ramsay When You Need Him?

Steak Station® monitors preparation of multiple meats. Four color-coded probes read and display temperatures allowing for perfect rare-to-well-done customization of each juicy steak, letting the grillmaster expertly rotate food for even cooking. Stainless steel and silicone, 3 1/4 x 1 1/4 x 3 1/2".

Wow. If you need this dumbass gadget to cook a steak, then you don't know how to cook a steak. Hand in your apron and get the fuck out.

If You Need This, You're Probably Already Dead

Jazz up a meeting, add excitement to grocery lists, have fun at parties! The drum pen is fun for kids and adults - it's a pen and a drum that lets you tap a beat anywhere. Buttons let you choose snare, tom-tom, or cymbal sounds; speaker is built-in. Uses 3 button-cell batteries (included). Plastic. 6" long. SAVE! Buy 2 or more - only $6.95 each

"Add excitement to grocery lists." You know, I sometimes wish my life was more exciting, but for fuck's sake, I would rather give the finger to a pimp and run like hell than resort to this.

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Ugly Ring Sunday #2 - When Is Daddy Coming Back?

Created for him alone, this ring honors Dad with brilliant sentiment, hand set with genuine Austrian crystals representing the loves of his life. Shining in 14k gold over brass, the masculine style features handsome “DAD” setting, accompanied by sparkling, faceted birthstones, creating a unique symbol of what he loves most--family! We’ll custom set each birthstone for a one-of-a-kind gift. $29.99 (Dad Ring)

This ring is one of the reasons why Dads abandon their families. I mean, come on, if this doesn't provoke a dirty look or a beating of some sort, your Dad is probably blind or comatose.

Friday, October 15, 2010

Honey, Your Back is Bleeding

Aah! The sheer pleasure of reaching that unreachable itch! Chromeplated metal-and-brass back scratcher telescopes to 26 1/2" to get the job done! Retracts to "pen size"—a mere 6 3/4"—to carry anywhere. Handy clip attaches to your pocket. The smaller floral version is perfect for pocket or purse, expands from 6" to 20". $9.95

To carry anywhere? Now, I'll admit that there is nothing more annoying than an itch you can't scratch, but if you need this because your back is that itchy,  then you probably have a raging skin disorder flaring up.

Catalog Favorites