I'm having a hard time figuring out how this was marketed as a pearl necklace without the heavy use of quotation marks.
But what's even more perplexing is the suggested "style" shown below, on the left. Is that what I think it is?
HUSBAND: Here ya go bitch, happy birthday.
WIFE: God damn you! Give me that box!
(rips open the box)
HUSBAND: I hope you like it. That's all your getting, you know.
WIFE: A...fake pearl necklace? You son of a bitch! I should have known to lower my standards, considering that you're hung like a thumbtack.
HUSBAND: I knew you wouldn't like it, you fussy old hag.
WIFE: You know what? I've had it. I'm going to go kill myself!
HUSBAND: Really? You promise?
WIFE: Yeah. I promise.
HUSBAND: Well, actually, that necklace can be made into a noose. Here, let me show you how.
Lustrous luxurious pearls glow against evening wear, sweaters, blazers and dresses. Wrap yourself in a full 100 inch strand of 360 perfectly-matched, hand-knotted white pearls. You can wear this necklace with a single loop or multiple loops depending on your attire, even as a multi-strand choker. Pearls shimmer with a luminescent glow against dark fabrics. A magnificent value below $30... great gift for a friend! $29.99