Monday, July 06, 2009

I'd Rather Eat Old Coffee Grinds

According to the makers of the Ronco Coffeetime system, cold brewing coffee results in 65% less acid for fucking crybabies those with sensitive stomachs.

Just look at this thing. It looks like it was designed in 1982.


Simply load the fucker up the way you would your hot coffee maker and add cold water. After it brews, simply pour yourself a cup of the resulting concentrate and add hot water. You can put the rest in the refrigerator, where it will last for weeks! Doesn't that sound delish?

Of course, in this economy, they're banking on those of us who are on the verge of filing for bankruptcy because of our addiction to Starbucks coffee.

(It's called moderation, people. You can still have your Starbucks, just not every day.)

Fuck this. I'd rather get a second job to pay for my coffee than take my chances with week-old refrigerated sludge. Ron Popeil can suck it.

Coffee Time™ brew system makes tasty cafĂ©-style drinks at home for just pennies a cup! Revolutionary cold brewing system creates a mixable coffee concentrate that lasts for weeks and reduces acidity by up to 65%. Follow the easy-to-use recipe book to make your favorite hot, iced or blended coffee and tea drinks just like a professional barista! Includes brew pot, carafe with lid, 2 cold brew filters, recipe book. $19.98

2 comments:

Dani said...

Ewwww. Fine I've given up going to starbucks but I invested in a real coffee maker. They sell em at Target ya know?

Neil Russell said...

Ronco is taking credit for this? They've been selling them in New Orleans and Charleston for years.
If I could remember such things I'd know what the damn thing is called, maybe I should get some more coffee