Thursday, November 06, 2008

They Don't Call it "Fall" for Nothing, You Know

Is it just me, or is this an accident waiting to happen? I mean, it's ugly enough to cause an accident, but look at all those random shapes, just waiting to trip someone up as they walk in on Thanksgiving Day. I see a flying casserole in someone's future, followed by a broken hip.

Grandma! You brought my favorite! Look out!

It's the time of year to greet guests with especially warm welcomes. Cheerful leaf-shaped rug is a seasonal mix of browns and rusts. Rubber non-skid backing prevents slippage. Acrylic/polyester blend for indoor use only. Spot clean. Imported. Measures 29"L x 25"W. $8.99

Because Trees Are So Boring

Fuckin trees, man. They just stand there. They don't say hello. They don't talk to me. They just ignore me. It's like, why can't they have a little personality? And not just during the day, but at night, too. I'd like to know they're there, watching me in the dark. Maybe if their eyes glowed or something. They have eyes, right?

Give your tree a little personality and add some character to your yard. This 4-pc. autumn tree face features glow-in-the-dark eyes that bring some delight to the night. Crafted of polyresin and hand painted. Mouth measures 9 1/2"W x 5 3/4"L.

How To Know When You're Life is Over

When Christmas rolls around and you think, "Oh my God! I almost forgot to change Al's clothes!"

And this is Al.

He may seem like just an ordinary guy, but with his 8-pc. wardrobe Al becomes a man for all seasons. At Christmas, dress this comical polyresin charmer in a Santa Hat and red scarf. At Easter he's a sensation in bunny ears and pink bow tie. Also comes with a headdress and vest for Thanksgiving, and an Uncle Sam shirt and hat for the 4th of July. Al stands 13"H. $14.99


This looks like:

A) Grandpa and Granpa snoozing in each other's arms?


B) Two drunken homeless elves on a subway bench the day after getting laid off from Santa's Workshop.

This heartwarming tribute to everlasting love, features Grandpa and Grandma snoozing in each other"s arms. Crafted of resin, it"s sculpted in fine detail and hand-painted. They wear real knit hats and sport polyester hair. Makes a great gift for that someone special. 8 3 /4"H x 7 1/2"W. 14.99

Tuesday, November 04, 2008

Dinner Theatre

Quiz: How many uses will you get from this item before you throw it out?

A) 3
B) 59
C) are you kidding me? you expect me to buy that?
D) 0

Personally, I'd like to see how this holds up after a year of use.

Here are some of my favorite screen shots from their hilarious, two-minute infomercial, starring the ever plump and irritating Cathy Mitchell.

Well, of course cooking pasta is hard when you use a cheese grater and store your spaghetti in a strainer, honey!

Damn, that mufukin pasta is HOT! How did that happen?

This just proves how lazy Americans are when it comes to cooking. Even boiling water is just too much to handle.

Luuucyyy, you got some esplainin' to do...

Read the box! You have to STIR THE PASTA!

Are they kidding? No one EVER measures pasta servings, they'll just dump the whole box in and throw it in the microwave.

I refuse to buy from anyone who can't spell "knives."

Oh, look how cute. My first play knife!

Why are these so damn small?

You can watch the commercial here.