Monday, February 25, 2008

The Pitchfork Logo is Just a Coincedence

These generic, geriatric, overpriced sneakers have what appear to be bb pellets embedded in the sole to add weight to them in order to give the user a work out. Because going to Modell's and buying removable ankle weights would be dumb.

JENNIE: Grandma! You're back from your walk already? What's wrong? What happened to your new shoes?

GRANDMA: What the hell was in those? Lead? My God, I almost died out there, you little bitch! Have they tried marketing those to the mafia?

JENNIE: Those were a hundred and seventy dollars! Where are they?

GRANDMA: The corner of Elm and Main. But you might want to call a tow-truck first.

Slip on a pair of Muscle Trainer Shoes and boost your energy consumption by 25%! This stylish shoe has patented metallic sphere sealed inside the sole to give you weighted step to help you burn more calories just by walking. Increase your heart rate and oxygen intake for a better cardiovascular workout, and rid body fat! See the positive effects in a few days. Specify by women’s shoe size: 7 – 10. Whole sizes only. Please allow 2 to 3 weeks for delivery. No rush delivery. $169.99 [Walter Drake]

1 comment:

Paynin Diaz said...

ahh...this reminds me of a game i used to play as a child. Player 1 straps each foot to a cinder block and runs like hell. Player 2 chases Player 1 with a baseball bat...