Thursday, October 25, 2007

Just Imagine The Rest of the House


A unique hardwood and glass end table personally hand signed by Derek Jeter! This table is crafted of genuine hardwood and features photographs of the Yankees legendary shortstop. The photos and the autograph are protected under a beveled glass top to ensure years of enjoyment. At the base of the table the team logo appears on a removable shelf and the table itself includes a felt-lined drawer for storage. Minimal assembly required. $699 (plus $15 s&s)

Sorry, Yankee Fans, but this is just fugly. I'm all for having autographs in your house, but I draw the line at "sports furtniture." And just try reselling this ugly thing to a sports memorabilia store.

(Phone rings) Rick: Sports Autograph Emporium, Rick speaking.

Bruce: Yes, I have a Derek Jeter autograph that I would like to sell.

Rick: Really? Well those are worth quite a bit. Do you have a certificate of authenticity?

Bruce: Sure do.

Rick: Good, because we don't take random autographs from just anyone without a certificate of authenticity. You never know what kind of crap people will try to sell us. That's why I keep a shotgun here at the store. Okay, well, why don't you bring it by tomorrow and I'll let you know what I'll give you for it.

(the next day)

Bruce: Hi, I’m here to see Rick.

John: Just a second. (yells) Hey, Rick! Someone here to see you!

(Rick comes out from the back room)

Bruce: Hi, I'm Bruce. Are you Rick?

Rick: Bruce, Bruce, I’m not sure I—oh, yeah! You’re the one with the Jeter autograph! Where is it?

Bruce: Well, here it is… (picks table up, smiles)

Rick: What the hell is that? We don't buy furniture!

Bruce: It’s the autograph. Here, take a look. The photos and the autograph are protected under a beveled glass top to ensure years of enjoyment. At the base of the table the team logo appears on a removable shelf and the table itself includes a felt-lined drawer for storage.

(5 seconds deadly silence, picks up shotgun)

Rick: We don't take too kindly to people with crap from the
Danbury Mint. Maybe you ought to take your business elsewhere.

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