CONTROL YOUR MATE REMOTE. Is your sweetie starting to push your buttons? Push back with this hilarious device! Each model plays one of 18 side-splitting phrases, such as "What about my needs?" and "Work out or get out" for the gals, and "Honey, pour me a cold one" and "I'm outta here!" for the guys. Requires 2 AA batteries (not included). Plastic. $19.98
"The king speaketh?" "I am what I am?" Oh, yes. My sides are split. Do they also say, "Stop buying crap like this, you stupid jackass! We're up to our necks in credit card debt!" Because that's what they should say.