Friday, February 16, 2007

Puke It Up

iJoy RideThree-axis riding motion tones and tightens three different core muscle groups — back, sides and abs. Select from four speeds: Warm-up, Taking It Easy, Getting Serious or Pump It Up. In Auto mode the Ride takes control, dishing out a dynamic combination of all four speeds. Plugs into standard outlet. $399.95

Nothing like a vague description to sell a 400-dollar product. After some examination, I'm assuming that this is really just a mechanical bull for home use. What else could it be? Just look at that woman. She is really enjoying it, isn't she?

What's with those horrible names that they've assigned to the speeds? Pump it up? Who the hell says that anymore? I guess this is perfect for the out-of-shape, isolated housewife who has not been outside in 13 years. Also notice that there is no way to anchor yourself on this, aside from the badly designed grab handle in the center, so you put your life in your hands when you are in, say, Pump It Up mode. Then there's the name. iJoy makes it sound like you can plug your iPod into it (you can’t—as if you would want to in the first place), but they're just trying to add cache to a piece of shit that will end up in the corner of your bedroom with laundry on it, or used as an emergency chair for company. (click to enlarge)

4 comments:

greencan said...

I don't believe I'm confessing this...I've actually sat on one because I was curious. I think it was Blackstone's that was selling them. It basically is like riding a vibrating horse.
As a side note, I think I still hold the record of 58 seconds on the mechanical bull at a bar on Weed st. :)

Chris said...

It's okay, it's okay. As long as you didn't pull out your credit card, all is forgiven. Maybe they can put Mickey Mouse ears on them and sell them to supermarkets as rides.

Matt said...

I like sexy pose tho. *slinky

Matt said...

There's a weed street in Chicago? yes!!