Monday, January 08, 2007

Because Cheapskates Get Drunk Too


Quiz Time! What the hell is this?
a) chic laboratory beaker
b) portable toilet
c) breast milk pump
d) coffee press
e) ugly vase from MoMA
f) pasta maker
g) bottle of vinegar
h) the world's first vacuum decanter! (or, Biggest Waste of Money for 2007)

Barf, barf, barfity barf! Step right up, ladies and gentlemen, it's the V1, the World’s First Vacuum Decanter! V1? Sounds like an electric car from GM. Was "Retardo Wine Decanter" already taken? I'll bet you want to know more. Here are some quotes from their website.

Vacuum-preserves your wine right in the decanter.
Puke.
No need to funnel wine left in the decanter back into bottle.
Who does this? I have never not finished a bottle of wine. Do you know what kind of people pour wine back in the bottle? Cheapskates, losers and loners. "Sorry everyone, we'll have to save this for next time..." (room fills with boos, furniture is overturned)
Hand-blown, lead-free Crystal Decanter.
They tell you this, because they are hoping that will clinch the decision for you. "But all my other wine pumps are Waterford Crystal..."
Easy-to-read gauge tell you when you have pumped the right vacuum.

Yes, this should be loads of fun to do after a few glasses of wine, like that stupid wine bottle holder. And it's guaranteed to kill any momentum that your little party has managed to achieve.
Includes Crystal Decanter (52 oz.); Vacuum Stopper Assembly; Vacuum Pump. Life sold separately. 80 wasted dollars.

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(Major kudos to Matt at Brandspankin' who found this lovely item in the New York Times Magazine.)

1 comment:

Slinky Redfoot said...

Oh ranting writer I knew you'd uncork this one haw haw. Decanter is just such a terrible name for ANYTHING. And this proves a valuble maxim: being in a prestigeous periodical like NY Times magazine doesn't automatically pardon you from STUPIDNESS!!