Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Paper Shredder Not Included


THE COMPUTERLESS E-MAIL PRINTER. "This is the color inkjet printer that only requires standard AC power and a telephone line to automatically print spam-free e-mail and pictures from friends and family you designate, eliminating the need for a dedicated personal computer and high-speed internet connection. The low-profile printer calls the toll-free number of the included e-mail service daily, and downloads and prints any new messages, including full-color pictures waiting in your account. A monthly subscription service provides users with a private e-mail address that will not be shared with any advertisers or junk-mail lists. The printer monitors ink level and opens up for easy paper replenishment and standard inkjet cartridge replacement, and includes controls for volume and stop. Requires $9.99 monthly subscription service. 6" H x 14 1/2" D x 17 1/2" W. (12 lbs.) $149.95"

Obviously, this ugly, overpriced, 1980's sci-fi-looking piece of shit is geared towards the geriatric, computer-illiterate set. So unless Grandma turns it off or cancels the subscription service, she will have reams of ugly children's photos, chain letters and pointless, rambling stories to sort through when she comes back from her morning walk to the grocery store. She'll only be able to afford a single peach for dinner because the cost of ink and paper is cutting into her social security check. Shame on you, HP! Bastids!

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