Friday, December 08, 2006

No Thanks, I Just Became Lactose Intolerant

Solid Marble Cheese Slicer does the job neatly and precisely at any "serve yourself" occasion! Polished marble, a cool, natural stone, helps soft cheeses retain their shape even during long stretches at room temperature. Fine steel cutting wire is mounted in a chrome arm with marble handle to deliver neat portions every time. You'll love it for holiday buffets and year-round entertaining. Rubber feet protect surfaces. 8" L x 5" W. $9.98

Can you imagine how stupid you'll feel trying to use this device? Should you find yourself face-to-face with one, do not panic. Your host is probably:

A) a gadget freak
B) a control freak
C) incredibly cheap with the cheese
D) physically weak and easily taken down with an "accidental" shove

Also, unlike traditional knives, this stupid thing requires that the person cutting the cheese needs to touch the entire block with their other, germ-ridden hand in order to position it under the blade. If you're expecting a large group of guests, that block of cheese will probably be poisonous by the end of the night.

I'd like to hear from you readers out there! Do you or anyone you know own one of these cheese cutters? Please tell me where you live because I'd like to come over and beat you to death with it.


Cheeseheads said...

Your blog entry gave me quite a chuckle. Lucky for us, there are a lot of people out there who love gadgets are are obsessive about cheese... And, just like using a knife,one can keep the cheese enclosed in plastic while slicing or cover it with plastic so that germ-ridden hands so not come in contact with it!

Ricky said...

When I cut the cheese I blame it on the dog.