Thursday, December 07, 2006

Leash and Muzzle Sold Separately

"This automatic cereal dispenser makes breakfast quick and easy!
With the automatic Breakfix Cereal Dispenser, fixing the day's first meal will never again be a messy, time consuming chore. Breakfix uses the same principles as a coffee-maker, dispensing pre-measured portions of cereal with a touch of a button -- no mess, no fuss. Controlled portions also help to keep pounds off. Looks great in your kitchen and cleans in a snap. A healthy gift for the whole family -- the kids will love it! 16-1/8"H x 8-1/3"W x 5-1/2"D.Optional batteries not included."

Fuckin' battery operated, too. But I digress. I love how they liken it to a coffee maker, when it's really closer to those pet food dispensers to keep your dog fed when you're away. Is there some kind of facial-recognition technology built in to keep fat kids from going back for seconds and thirds? Otherwise, fat chance teaching people portion control. And at $79.99, it's cheaper (and more fun) to just say, "Put that bowl down, you fat little son-of-a-bitch!" That'll teach 'em.

Don't go just yet. You MUST visit the webpage for this item.
Breakfix Cereal Dispenser. Why am I so adamant that you leave this page and go there? The video commercial for this product features some of the most painful-to-watch acting ever seen. I won't spoil the surpise, but let's just say these aren't "typical" of American kids. Warning: Commercial May Be Addictive and Distracting. Do Not Drive or Operate Heavy Machinery While Watching.


Matt said...

the commercial is great, although the kid who says, "I want some cereal, but only have one hand" - he really should have only one hand.

Chris said...

I want to slap the girl in the UCLA sweatshirt. You just know she's a real brat. I'll bet she let this "fame" go to her head.