Tuesday, April 10, 2018

Egg on Your Floor

Oh, this is a fun waste of time and money.  The last thing I want to do when I buy a dozen eggs is spend time transferring them from the box they came in, to some plastic contraption that is teetering precariously from my refrigerator shelf.

How many eggs will the average idiot break while attempting to put them in this drawer?

A) one
B) two
C) all of them?

ADJUSTABLE EGG DRAWER maximizes unused vertical space in your fridge! Sliding egg holder quickly attaches to most types of refrigerator shelving with included snap-on hanger clips and brackets. Extends from 13¾" L to 22½" L. No tools needed! Detaches in seconds for easy loading. Holds up to 18 eggs. $15.98


Monday, April 09, 2018

For the Birds

Want to waste money and have nothing to show for it?  Here's a creepy little wingless hummingbird with its head on backwards.

Oh, and it also has a puny 3-inch fan inside of it.  It costs a ridiculous $33.00 (and apparently goes for almost double that elsewhere).

For the same amount of money, you can go buy a real fan at Bed Bath and Beyond and rent The Birds.

Keep your cool with this charming hummingbird table fan. From its colorful hand-painted design to its high-quality cast metal construction, it adds fun, bold style as it quietly keeps the air circulating. Desk fan includes USB cable and adapter to plug into a wall outlet. Single-speed 20W motor. Standing fan measures 3” long x 7” wide x 9” high. $32.99  Compare at $54.99!


Friday, April 06, 2018

Killing Grandpa

Recliner Risers are little plastic blocks you can put under a recliner to raise it and make it easier to get in and out - a cheap alternative to those power recliners that can go for $400.00 and up.  Maybe a little too cheap.

Would you look at these things?  Way to raise the center of gravity in the most dangerous way possible!  I can just imagine poor Grandpa flopping down onto his favorite recliner, only to have cruel inertia take over and send him hurtling backward out the window.

I guess they're a good idea if you hate grandpa and you're already in the will.

GET IN & OUT OF YOUR RECLINER CHAIR WITH EASE! Handy risers raise chair’s height 3" to 4" (depending on chair style), which helps decrease strain on hips, back and knees as you sit down or stand up. Won’t interfere with rocking or reclining functions; won’t mar surfaces. Set of 4 slip-resistant risers support up to 600 lbs. Install and remove easily. $24.98


Thursday, April 05, 2018

Give Me a Break

This thing is making me hungry, not because of the mostly-tomato sandwich, but because it looks like it's made out of Kit Kat bars.

I'll never understand the obsession with these stupid "sofa arm table thingies".  Don't you have a coffee table in your house?  At least get one of those TV trays you weirdo.

INSTANTLY TURN ANY SOFT SURFACE INTO A STABLE ONE! Flexible chair tray creates a flat, sturdy surface on which to rest drinks, remote controls, phone, or a snack. Simply drape over chair or sofa arm—the slats effortlessly bend to conform to curved or square arms. Folds to store.  Solid wood slats with non-slip backing. 16½" W x 13½" D x ½" H. (Not for use on leather surfaces.)  $19.98


Wednesday, April 04, 2018

Brick Slayer

Nothing spruces up the walls in your trailer like six random plastic tiles with a brick pattern that doesn't even work.

“Brick” Wall Tiles Update Any Room! Set of 6 self-stick, textured foam tile sheets resemble real bricks; instantly transform a plain wall or any area that needs a facelift. Each sheet is 12" square; can be cut for a custom fit. Wipe-clean PVC.


Tuesday, April 03, 2018

Corny Complications

Of all the things that people cook on their outdoor grills, corn has to be one of the easiest and most delicious.  It doesn't require much prep, it doesn't fall through the slots, you don't need a meat thermometer and doesn't shrink or fall apart.

However, there are some among us for which corn is a source of endless hardship.  They can't cook corn without having it roll off the grill and onto the floor in a violent explosion.

For those morons people, we have the Corn Rack. 

Why learn how to do something right when you can waste money on a redundant single-use gadget that you'll now have to clean in addition to everything else.  

AT LAST! AN EASY WAY TO GRILL CORN ON THE COB! Just place your ears of corn on this special rack, set it on your barbecue grill, and in minutes, enjoy perfectly cooked corn on the cob. Corn won't roll around or stick to grilling surface! Rack holds 6 ears and has carry handles. Dishwasher-­safe stainless steel.  $9.98


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Monday, April 02, 2018

How to Kill Someone for Only Fifteen Dollars!

Here is a set of flimsy looking self-adhesive plastic wheels that you can attach to any object up to 250 lbs.  (Insert fat, lazy husband joke here) No screws or anything strong like that - just sticky tape.

You can see where this is going.

As if that wasn't enough to get my eyes rolling, I scrolled down to read the reviews, because there's usually one or two that are fake.

You have to read this one, seriously.  (click to enlarge)

First of all, there's no way anyone's cleaning behind their stove that often.  Second, does "Storage Queen" really think anyone believes she really attached these to her stove?  And third, does she have any idea what's going to happen when these snap off and her stove violently lurches over, breaking the gas line and killing her in her sleep?

Probably not, because she's considering buying a second pair to attach to her refrigerator.  Wait until she witnesses the crushing force of a fully-loaded refrigerator pulverizing these things into pellets.

Easily make anything mobile! Roll heavy items easily with these self adhesive instant wheels. No tools needed; just clean, peel and stick. Specially-formulated adhesive bonds permanently and holds tight. Instant wheels are great for moving bookcases, file cabinets, tool chests, audio/video stands, safes and more. 4 self adhesive wheels; supports up to 250 lbs. Includes detailed instructions, cleaning wipe and sand-paper. Made in USA. $14.99


Friday, March 30, 2018

Watch Out

Take a look at this hideous watch with a silicone strap.  It looks like something I'd have gotten from a gumball machine at the supermarket in 1987 after nagging my mother for 25 cents.

I guess everything old is new again.

SILICONE BAND STR-E-T-C-HES to fit almost any wrist! Forget clumsy, tight leather or scratchy metal bands—this unique watch has a flexible, braided silicone band that stretches easily over your hand for a snug yet comfortable fit. No closures or clasps to deal with! Quartz accurate analog watch has sweep second hand and large, easy-to-read dial (1-3/8" diam.). Includes button cell battery. Available in mint, pink and white. $12.98

Thursday, March 29, 2018

Scat Cat

I'll never understand the appeal of ugly resin animal sculptures like this.

For one, this thing doesn't even look like a cat.  It looks like a groundhog mated with a fox. 

If you want to look at a cat without owning one, just go on the internet and print out a picture of a real cat, and put that on your wall.

There, I just saved you $11.00 (plus shipping and handling) that you can donate to your local pet shelter instead.

Curled up and napping in sweet feline style, this kitty adds a touch of charm to your lawn, garden, front porch or entryway. Intricately detailed and painted all around, the 3-D statue is crafted of weather-resistant resin for lasting beauty. Just as happy to nap indoors, she’ll add decorative charm wherever displayed! 12" L x 7 1/2" W x 4" H.   $10.92


Wednesday, March 28, 2018

The Suspense is Killing Me, Lady!

Presenting, the 5 Minute Chef.  Finally, a kitchen appliance that will make all your food look like a sanitary napkin!

Of course, after a week of struggling to use this thing, you know it's going to wind up in the pantry closet, next to your Slap Chop and George Foreman Grill.

So when I see real-life reviews, my mouth waters.  What is the real story?  How flimsy is it and how many kitchen fires has it started?

Looks like EH has the scoop, but she's holding back.  Unless Cathy Mitchell got to her before she could reveal the true horror of the 5 Minute Chef.